And by told her, I mean the whole, sordid mess. Otherwise Lori would wonder why Ruth fell asleep on the phone with me, a guy who was not her “boyfriend” and for whom she had no feelings other than that of friendship. That gave me hope. It made me realize that Ruth really did care about where our relationship was at present, and where it was headed. It told me also that she was not capable of seeing me in the role of “boyfriend.” In order for me to be her boyfriend meant terminating the special friendship we had, at least in her mind. She couldn’t bear to lose me as a friend. That’s what she eventually told me, when I finally summoned up the courage to tell her outright that I loved her. Over the decades since, I’ve gone over our strange relationship in my mind thousands of times, trying to figure out just what was really going on. If I’d become a psychiatrist, maybe I’d have a chance at coming to a retroactive diagnosis for what this really was, and a possible solution. But I wasn’t. }}}While Jeff and Little One were conversing, he had entered the garage and was now standing by the outside small (people) door. The wind had been blowing parallel to the back of the building and had effectively kept the snow away from the garage door as well as the back door and stoop farther down the building. When he opened the garage door, the wind almost snatched it and him out into the blizzard. He was faced with a wall of white, but he could feel his eyesight automatically shifting in an effort to see through the torrent of falling and blowing snow. Eventually, he could make out the parking lot, see the trees bending to the force of the winds and see the already deep drifts of snow that were accumulating against the outside garage on the other side of the parking lot.He stood in the doorway, with his feet braced as he held the door against the wind, his mind straining to project to the Ship. After minutes of the most intense concentration he was capable of, he felt moisture.
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